Pioneer Woman

October 20, 2007

I had an epiphany last week.

We are as strong as we allow ourselves to be.

This might seem pretty obvious to some but it hasn't been that clear for me in my life.

This great insight came to me as I was showering in our poorly lit, extremely small, and desperately in need of a cleaning, stall shower in our master bath.

As I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair, I turned to face the wall, and mere inches from my face was a rather large spider.

He or she was just hanging there in it's web, not seeming to care that an intruder had entered it's dark little space.

In my past life, before moving out to this rural landscape filled with tarantulas, scorpions, rattlesnakes, coyotes, and mountain lions, I lived in a nice, practically bug and predator free, suburban neighborhood, where the sight of a spider such as my shower companion, would have sent me dripping wet and screaming out into the living room, in search of my husband to kill the foul thing.

But this time I did nothing of the sort.

I just continued on with my shower and perhaps I even admired the spider's web and how amazing it is that the water sends it waving back and forth without ever breaking it.

What kind of a woman does this, you might ask yourself. Is she brave beyond comprehension? Does she have nerves of steel and fears nothing?

Hardly.

But this is when I experienced the epiphany.

I used to watch that show Little House on the Prairie as a kid, and I even read some of Ms.Wilder's books.

All the time I was admiring how brave and amazing these women were.

These women who spent every day from sun up until sun down tending to their homes and land, often doing the work of their husbands, who had to travel miles and miles to sell what they grew and created on their farms.

These women, it seemed to me, were fearless.

They braved snow storms and torrential rains, every predator from animal to man, and even sickness and disease without the benefits of modern medicine.

And I used to wonder how would I fare if I were in their shoes?

Would I be able to tame the wild countryside while still laughing and relishing every moment on this beautiful earth?

Would I continue to praise and give thanks to God for all my blessings when I am faced with scorpions in my bathroom, mice in my cupboards, rains flooding my foundation, and no heat to warm my home?

Back then I thought, not a chance.

I could not live like those women.

I am not that strong.

And while I am not where I am because I have no where else to live, I am still here for a better life.

A life that has spiritual meaning.

A life that is as close to what God intended, living off the land and being led by his Spirit, as I can possibly get in the 21st century.

And guess what?

I am that strong.

Not by choice or by chance, but because it is required of me.

Because God has granted me that strength.

Because I am that pioneer woman.

I have faced and will most likely face again, tribulations of no water, no heat, predators killing my animals, and threatening my child, and trying to live off the land without my husband to rescue me at every turn.

And I enjoy it.

Immensely.

I didn't think I would ever say it, but that spider in my shower, he's another one of God's creatures, just like me, trying to survive in an untamed world.

And I am as strong as I allow myself to be.