Green acres is the place to be

I grew up in the suburbs. My husband grew up in the country. After we got married we lived in the city and since that rainy day back in 2002 when we moved into our first suburban home together, he has wanted to move back to the country. So, being extremely adaptable and wanting to give my husband his dream of rural life, we packed up our belongings two years ago and moved to the country. Way, way, way out into the country. I have mostly enjoyed the experience. But I honestly had no idea how different life would be. Here is what I see that is so different.


You know you live in the country if...

you know not only the names of all your neighbors, but you also know their phone numbers, what they do for a living, and if they have ever slaughtered an animal.

you see a hawk flying overhead and instead of marveling at its beauty you think to yourself, that damn bird better not poop on my car.

you overhear a conversation at the local market about which shotgun is the best brand to buy, and it's between two women.

you show up to a play date and all three kids are wearing camouflage.

the only market within 20 minutes of your home stocks not only paper goods and soft drinks, but also has a large livestock feed section.

the only other store within 20 minutes of you is a military surplus store.

your babysitter arrives at your home on a horse.

all of your clothing smells like wood smoke.

your husband buys you a pink camouflage t-shirt and a hot pink knife for Christmas.

you actually like the pink camouflage t-shirt and the hot pink knife.

you also want a pink handgun.

you've eaten at least one of your pets.

going into the city to run errands involves as much packing as a two day trip would require.

the only time you ever wash your car is...never.

you have said at least once, "I wish those damn crickets would shut up so I can sleep."

calling 911 for a medical emergency summons a helicopter to your home.

stray dogs, dirt, and the sound of wildlife are things you are exposed to on a regular basis.

it bugs you when city people complain that they have to drive all the way across town for work, when you know across town to them means five miles.

even though you hated the food, you were extremely sad when Foster Freeze closed down because it was the only fast food within 30 miles.

at least one person you know has shot a wild dog.

the sound of gunshots doesn't send you ducking for cover or calling for help.

every day you drive by someone on either a horse or a quad.

you know what donkey basketball is and you look forward to attending the event every year.

you cannot go anywhere without seeing either someone who knows you or someone in your family.

you often forget to lock your doors.

you know that if you were to scream from inside your house, no one would hear you.

you fear coyotes and wild dogs more than criminals.

you know what a "burn day" is and that you need a permit to participate.

sometimes the only thing you hear is the wind.