Who does this?

I had heard that it happens when you least expect it. They lurk in the dark corners of strip malls and fast food joints, just waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting mother. You know what I am talking about, robomoms!!! These moms, who seem to have about enough human emotion to nurture a rock, are always on the hunt looking to compare their child to yours. I never really believed that they existed until this past week.
I was having a lovely day out shopping with my little family. The sun was shining, the kids were behaving, and I had somehow just convinced my husband that we needed to spend $400 on new curtains for the living room. I was feeling really good. Apparently that is when robomoms like to make their move!
A woman who I have never met, made her way into the store. She was pushing a cart with what appeared to be a sleeping baby. I was in the check out line, smiling from ear to ear as the clerk rang up my beautiful new curtains. My husband was looking a little pale as he watched the total continue to rise. I was talking to the little man about the Snuggie blanket he had noticed on sale and cooing at my baby.
The woman casually said, "Your baby is adorable," as she passed by.
"Thank you" I said.
I couldn't really say the same to her because her little package was covered almost completely with a blanket, despite the fact that it was fairly warm outside.
Her husband got in another line to make a return and she placed her cart and sleeping robobaby in between the two lines.
Then she asked how old my daughter was.
"Eight months," I said.
"Oh," she replied. "Mine is nine months."
Then she asked, "Is she saying any words?"
Um, does oooooo, gaaaa, ooo, baaaa, bleeeeeeh, count?
"No, she's not talking."
She's eight freaking months old, I thought to myself!
She just figured out that she can use her arms to turn herself over and that mommy really does not like it when she pulls the tabs loose on her diaper right after she's put them on. Do you really think she is going to be having conversations?
The woman beamed a proud smile at her sleeping infant and said, "My daughter says four words."
"Really?" I replied. She couldn't prove it. I had to take her at her word since her baby was in la-la land.
"Well. My son didn't say anything until he was almost eleven months so I'm sure she will be a late talker too, " I stuttered.
I wanted to tell her to not be so eager for the little thing to talk. I prayed for my son to speak every day until he turned two and then he started speaking in full sentences and now he never shuts up. He speaks so much he now knows that I often tune him out. After every monologue he asks me, "Now, what did I say?" I'm sure he learned this particular line from me.
"Does she have any teeth?" Robomom was talking at me again.
"No."
Now I was feeling more defensive.
"My son didn't get any teeth until he was ten months old and I believe that is hereditary so I am not expecting any for a while." So there.
"Robomom smiled at me this time, "My baby has six teeth already."
I wanted to roll my eyes and say, Wow! You better call up Harvard and get that girl enrolled!! They would be lucky to have her!
But I sheepishly said, "Oh."
Robomom, having satisfied her hunger for making other moms feel small, turned and pushed her cart over to where her husband stood in line.
I helped my very pale from just having paid the bill husband load up our purchases into the cart and we both sulked out to the car with the little man trailing behind.
This whole scene bothered me for hours and I really try not to let stuff like that get to me. I think it was the way she was so belligerent in her asking. She purposely asked me about my daughter first before she divulged anything about her own. I don't even know if she really had a daughter since I never saw it move. For all I know she was a loony with one of those Reborn dolls, out looking to harass sleep deprived mothers of real children.
I really don't care about time lines. I did with my son. He was late getting teeth, crawling, and talking. I wasted a lot of precious time worrying for nothing. He got four teeth between ten and eleven months, he crawled at ten months, walked at a year, and spoke with a huge vocabulary at two years. He might not have done everything at the same time as the other babies, but he did eventually do them. And I know the baby girl will too! In her own time.
Her lack of desire to crawl only means I can wait on baby proofing the house again, something I am not entirely looking forward to doing. And really, with all the talking going on between my son and me, she won't be able to get a word in for a long time to come.
And the next time I run into a Robomom I am going to beat her to the punch! "Yes, my daughter speaks," I will say. "In fact, she's reciting one of her poems on open mike night at Javawava this week. Come check it out."